We review this book this week!

 3/23/2025 3:33 PM CST

Dear Reader,

I just released a book this weekend. It’s a short called “Killer Mike and the Blood Slugs – A Night on the Town.” I am super tired of promoting it right this second so go buy it or something, LOL. I’ve included the ‘zon link. Just because I know that is where most people will shop. But it is available in all sorts of places, including bookshop.org and even Barnes and Noble. You can also get it at Exploitation Media, but that’s only the digital version, and it is currently the most expensive, and I am still only making $0.35 per eBook. Here is the thing, though, if you just go to Exploitation Media, you will see most of your purchase options there.

For a brief second, the story was number #32 in American Horror on the ‘zon and that was like a little crack hit for me. The highest I could catch its picture on the charts was at #53, and just below a book I have seen floating around. I have seen people saying nothing but good things about Morsels.

 

 

Anyway, the real reason for this week’s blog is a book review. It was a book that I saw and that I picked up because it looked funny and I got more than I bargained for:

 

A Christmas Queef Has More Up its Sleeve than Would Meet the Eye

Book Review: A Christmas Queef  - Asher Dark

My Verdict: A campy erotic splatter fest with heart

 

 

Who could say no to that cover?

I know this one is a little out of season, but if Daemon Manx can admit that he just took down his Christmas stuff, then I feel comfortable doing a late-season review of a Christmas horror book!

Occasionally you pick up a book right away because “Why not?!”

This one was another Angel Ramon recommendation when I said I was looking for horror at a steal. I saw the title, I searched it up, saw the cover, and damn near got it then and there, because it really was a steal. Before I got done corralling a list of all the great recommendations everyone was giving me, I ended up picking A Christmas Queef because, “Why the hell not?!”

I knew it was going to be funny, probably a little sexual, and probably a little gory. I was not yet aware of Dark at this time, so I wasn’t EXACTLY sure what I was getting myself into, but I figured the cover told me everything I needed to know. I don’t even think I read the description, to be honest.

There were a handful of books on my digital TBR, so I didn’t get to Dark’s Queef until recently. When I opened it up, I expected some silly good times and not much more than that. But what I got off the bat was a little whimsy, some good world-building, and more heart than I was ready for.

Dark’s voice here, or rather the voice of our protagonist, Sally Claus, takes on a certain punk rock bluntness while still painting a picture of an alternative North Pole that I found fun and easy to get lost in. Dark takes a certain manic glee in twisting and enhancing our once warm and lovely version of the North Pole to a place of dark fantasy.

I think that is what A Christmas Queef really is, a dark fantasy with some elements of extreme/splatter revenge horror. I am of the opinion that all fantasy is a kind of “power fantasy.” We mostly read it to see someone who seems normal achieve great power and then use that power to right some great wrong in the world. This is where A Christmas Queef really hit home for me. Sure, it’s a funny story with some humorous erotic elements. It’s fun, but the heart is what hooked me.

Both the horror and the heart come from Sally’s motivation. Sally is Santa’s cousin. She has a job like his, where she goes out every Christmas, but where Santa brings presents, Sally brings death to those who hurt children. There is an earnestness and a bluntness when Dark approaches this subject. Sally Claus is a character that I think every hurt child would wish to truly exist.

Sally Claus is not the horror in this story. She is the hero, and certain kinds of people should be very afraid of her. The horror in this story comes from some intense places where the edges of society really lurk. Bad people are doing bad things, and that is putting it extremely lightly.

So here is where I am going to do that thing where I say, if the above sounds good to you and you don’t want to spoil the experience, STOP NOW. Just go get it. Last I checked, it is still a steal. It’s a fun read with more heart than I expected. It makes me want to check out more work by Dark.

For those that don’t mind spoiler-ish territory, I have just a little bit more to say. So, the basic premise and how the queefs come into the picture is pretty fun. Sally goes to these child predators and uses her seductive elf charms on them. While they are hypnotized and horned up, Sally passes gas through that glorious gash until a present pops out, basically birthing her target’s demise. Each present contains something different to kill the intended target. In one case, something happened with a Furby that had me laughing at work.

The story has an interesting time balancing whimsy, gritty dark sexuality, horrors that harken back to real-life atrocities, and the heart of wanting to right those wrongs in the world. It is a little raw at times, but I like that punk rock approach of bluntness, extreme style, and heart.